Dilemma of being a mom

Inspired by a very sharp post, I am also reconsidering my further plan: to go back to work or stay at home as a home maker. I have two commitments:  to be a wife and a mother of three sons.

As a wife, I should listen to my husband but I believe that he will always put my feelings and opinion into his consideration.

I would say commitment between a husband and a wife is influenced by their own parents. Let me give you some illustration.  My husband  considers "working women" productive and have more opportunities for self improvement-- perhaps because his mother happens to be one --, thus I have more options to take--starting as a full time worker, and taking one-year-unpaid leave to be a full time homemaker, and most probably will get to work again.

My mother had to work, not by choice, but because she had to make the ends meet. Consequently, my brothers now decided to be the only bread winners for their family and forced my sis-in-law to quit working and become full-time housewives.

It reminds me of a book which says in marriage the husband and wife should understand his/her own role --the analogy is that the husband is the mountain climber and the wife is the tent keeper. The mountain climber has to go out and go hunting but he should ensure the security of the tent. The tent keeper should really make the tent a nice, cozy and comfortable place to live but she has to be able to understand that the world outside faced by her husband keeps changing. The mountain climber also has to realize that he needs to give some attention and energy on what's going on in his tent. Giving attention means that allowing your time with  concentration. There is no way that we say that we care for someone when we give so little time and  attention.

When we are committed to be a mother, it means that we put their welfare into our priorities. Staying at home does not necessarily guarantee  welfare, but being a working  requires smart plans and  time management to organize activities and the care takers.

You could make your wife to stay at home but when she has some grudges on handling the children because she has to do it on her own without her husband lending  her a hand or being 'there' for better or worse, it will only lead to exhaustion and desperation which will result in not being able to raise the children to their potentials.

You could also let your wife work and pursue her career to the top, but do not blame her for having so little time for the children and relying on you, as the father , to be more involved especially in  her absence. Anyway, what is so wrong about that  feeding the baby, changing the diaper, playing with the toddler, keeping them company, and taking them to sleep or to the park. Is it written in the sky that it has to be done by a mother?

When you are a full time housewife and you feel that you need more room to move, please do not feel guilty. It's very  human that people need something for a change, need friends to talk to, have  ambition to reach their own star. Some people might feel that you had better things to do at home when you are trying to get away from day-to-day headaches and have a little taste of fun for your sanity. Allow them sometime to see your point of view...

When you are a fulltime working woman because you really  do so for  your  welfare like me, God will give you extra strength and protection. Seek for trustworthy caretakers but supervise them. let your children see you wiping your tears when you have to be away from them. Do not pretend to be as tough as a stone when they are bursting in tears watching you leave. Make good plans for your children in your free time. Trust  your husband to love your children in his own way. Do Pray A LOT.

Comments

[Lita]

Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment.

Indeed, a person's view is led by how she/he's raised in a family. It can be changed, but not so easily.

I agree with your thought :)
Salam kenal, mbak Kenny

[Ratih]

Hmm... every situation has its own consequences.